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Hi everybody, and welcome to "NLP: The Secret Science of Self- Empowerment." This Ezine is designed to bring to you techniques, theories and exercises from the fascinating field of Neurolinguistic Programming.
NLP offers concepts that can help you develop better relationships with others and yourself - and focuses on bringing forth the unlimited powers of genius that lie withing each one of us.
About This Issue
Eye contact is part and parcel of human communication. Accompanied by a smile it can open the door to a world of opportunities, while starting at someone without a smile might earn you a black eye or worse. The following is a compilation of interesting facts to do with eye contact.
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This Issues Article: The Power of Eye Contact
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Eye contact is a natural byproduct of effective communication. And in many (not in all) cases it is also true that effective communication is a natural byproduct of eye contact. When you look someone in the eyes you invite them to communicate with you. When you avoid eye contact, on the other hand, you are telling the other person that you do not wish to communicate with them. Most of us have experienced a situation in which we have consciously avoided eye contact to prevent an interaction of any sort.
The urge to communicate upon eye contact is part of our human nature. Once someone has caught our eyes, we feel the need to respond in some way. If you have ever been on public busses or trains you might have noticed how many people keep themselves occupied with various activities (reading, listening to music, looking out of the window, etc.) In most cases these are activities designed to avoid eye contact and the following need for communication. Having to speak to strangers makes many people feel uncomfortable.
Eye contact is, of course, also one of the greatest ways to build positive and trusting relationships with others. Making eye contact and smiling is probably the number one success strategy for initiating contact with someone. If in a business or private setting, this behavior is a proven way to start successful conversations. Many romantic relationships rely on eye contact for generating the magic.
On the other hand, talking to someone while avoiding their eyes will very likely produce mistrust and suspicion in the other person. Your lack of eye contact signals that you don't want to have this conversation or have something to hide. Your words will seem insincere to the other party if you don't back them up with your eyes, especially if you are trying to be friendly. Eye contact can also be dangerous, especially if it is not accompanied by words or a smile. In such a case it might be interpreted as hostile and lead to confrontation.
Our eyes betray our true feelings, which is why eye contact creates intimacy and trust. Even more, our pupils dilate (expand) when we are attracted to what we see and contracts when we are repelled by it. It is interesting to note that the person we are speaking to can interpret our pupil dilation, even if subconsciously.
The eyes of a hungry man will dilate when he sees his favorite food being served to the couple at the next table. The eyes of a teacher will contract when the troublemaker from the last row walks into the classroom. Studies have shown that men and woman with dilated eyes are perceived as more attractive than with contracted ones, which is why the cosmetic industry has created products that trigger pupil dilation.
If you are speaking to a person or a group and want to avoid being interrupted, break eye contact at the end of each sentence, then continue with the next sentence and reestablish eye contact. Usually nobody will want to interrupt you without having eye contact. That would be considered rude. Reversely, if you want to interrupt someone, make eye contact first. If you want to invite someone to speak after you finish your sentence, simply look at them. This will be a strong invitation for them to say something.
As a rule of thumb, when you are speaking to someone, match their frequency of eye contact. People have different preferences for eye contact and matching the other persons frequency will build good rapport, whereas mismatching it will take away from the rapport.
For presenters: Make sure you look at your audience, preferably at everyone in the room. Start with the people who seem to like you and have a friendly expression on their face. Once you have created rapport with them, you can slowly move towards making eye contact with the frowners and serious looking people. Don't start with those, though. They will zap your smile of your face, which can change the energy in the room in a matter of seconds.
References:
Silent Messages, Mehrabian, A., 1971.
All the best,
Christoph Schertler
NLP Trainer/Coach - Founder PEC, LLC
Christoph Schertler has published an ebook on how to use NLP to build confidence. The NLP Confidence Builder
contains over 100 pages of powerful NLP techniques and concepts that can help you overcome limiting beliefs and bring forth the life-transforming power of confidence from deep within you.
Christoph Schertler was recently published in "101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Vol. 2" alongside John Gray, Jack Canfield, Richard Carlson, Bob Proctor, Alan Cohen and many other leading Self Improvement experts.
Get your copy today:
About the Author
Christoph Schertler is a certified NLP Trainer and NLP Coach with a passion for helping others to empower themselves and bring forth their power and genius from within. He has trained with some of the biggest names in the field and is a firm believer in the transformational powers of NLP.
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