Welcome to this free NLP Ezine
Hi everybody, and welcome to "NLP: The Secret Science of Self-
Empowerment." This Ezine is designed to bring to you techniques,
theories and exercises from the fascinating field of Neurolinguistic
Programming.
About This Issue
Staying with the topic of building rapport with others, this week's issue discusses building rapport
through matching voice tone. This can make a lot of difference in the quality of your conversations
on the phone, for example. Some of you might be able to use voice matching skills for your
professional life. Voice matching is also something that can help you calm down an angry person
or cheer up a sad person.
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This Issues Article: How to Build Rapport Through
Matching Voice Tone
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The human voice is one of the main attributes that makes people unique - no two voices are exactly the same. There are, however, general characteristics that apply to every voice, such as:
- Volume (loud/soft)
- Tempo (fast/slow)
- Pitch (high/low)
When we use our voice to build rapport with others we will adjust the volume, tempo and pitch of our voice to match theirs; a skill that comes natural to most people. Sometimes there is a mismatch in volume, which usually implies a power relationship in which the person with the louder voice is dominating over the person with the softer voice.
Our voice is an important part of our personality. We use it to express many subtleties that go beyond the literal meaning of our words. What we say can mean many different things, depending on which voice tone we use. Politicians and speakers from various fields understand the importance of their voice as a tool to influence others and hire voice coaches.
When you speak on the telephone, voice matching is especially important, because you have no way to pace the other with your body. Most people voice match naturally when they are on the phone. For example, you might have had the experience of knowing who your friend was talking to, just by listening to their voice. Anybody who talks business on the phone has to learn voice matching skills because they make a big difference in the quality of rapport with the other person. One of the best and easiest ways to pace someone's voice is to match volume and speed.
If you find yourself in a personal conflict or heated discussion voice matching skills can be particularly helpful. Look at anger as energy. To calm down an angry person, match their energy and urgency in your voice tone, but with a tone slightly less intense (if you use the same urgency it might aggravate their anger). Then gradually bring them down to a calmer state by lessening the intensity of your voice. Approaching an angry person with a calm voice has a good chance of being interpreted as patronizing. This can make them angrier. Pacing anger is a good skill to have for customer service representatives who come in contact with unsatisfied customers.
On the other hand, if you want to cheer up someone who is sad or bored, you might want to speak to them in a quiet and gentle voice, before you attempt to cheer them up. The general idea is to meet the other person close to their voice level and then move them to where you want them to go.
There are many intricacies you can study when improving your rapport building skills, however, keep in mind this ground rule at all times: Have a genuine interest in the person you talk to and maintain an inner state of sincerity during your conversation.This is important, as otherwise your matching skills will look phony and you will loose the opportunity to build a relationship of mutual influence.
Initially, matching others consciously will feel weird, because so far you did it unconsciously. Look at it like taking a driving course. Of course you already know how to drive, but why not become an expert driver who can keep his car under control even in extreme situations? Building your awareness of the subtleties of communication will give you greater control and flexibility in your interaction with others.
Also, keep in mind that you already have matching skills. You use them with your close friends and family all the time, without even thinking about it. It is only when you meet new people or have to deal with someone you don't get along with that you might want to consciously use your matching skills to improve rapport.
References:
Silent Messages, Mehrabian, A., 1971.
Practical NLP for Managers, McDermott, I. and O'Connor, J.,1996.
All the best,
Christoph Schertler
NLP Trainer/Coach - Founder PEC, LLC
Christoph Schertler has published an ebook on how to use NLP to build confidence. The NLP Confidence Builder
contains over 100 pages of powerful NLP techniques and concepts that can help you overcome limiting beliefs and bring forth the life-transforming power of confidence from deep within you.
Christoph Schertler was recently published in "101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Vol. 2" alongside John Gray, Jack Canfield, Richard Carlson, Bob Proctor, Alan Cohen and many other leading Self Improvement experts.
Get your copy today:
About the Author
Christoph Schertler is a certified NLP Trainer and NLP Coach with a passion for helping others to empower themselves and bring forth their power and genius from within. He has trained with some of the biggest names in the field and is a firm believer in the transformational powers of NLP.
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