Welcome to this free NLP Ezine
Hi everybody, and welcome to "NLP: The Secret Science of Self-
Empowerment." This Ezine is designed to bring to you techniques,
theories and exercises from the fascinating field of Neurolinguistic
Programming.
About This Issue
In the last two issues we discussed how we can use body language
and voice tone to build rapport with people.
In this issue we are going to take a closer look at how we can use language to build rapport. Words are
used to convey meaning to others. Knowing what people mean by their words and letting them know
that you know what they mean by their words, is a great way to build rapport.
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This Issues Article: Matching Words and Backtracking
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Matching Words
Words are the windows through which you look into other people's reality. To learn more about their reality, pay attention to the words they use to describe it. When a word has an important meaning to them, they will highlight it with a special voice tone, facial expression or gesture. Once you have identified such italicized words, find out what meaning they carry for them.
Imagine, for example, one of your colleagues at work keeps using the word 'accountability' and rolls her eyes and slightly shakes her head every time she says it. Obviously accountability has a specific meaning for her, maybe a meaning related to something that happened recently or one of her core values. If you want to build rapport with your colleague, you can begin talking about accountability and inquire what specific meaning it carries for her.
Use the words that matter to others to build rapport, but respect what people say, literally. Try to avoid paraphrasing as much as possible. Many times people show that they weren't listening by paraphrasing what the other person said. What was said originally is given a whole new meaning and the rapport might be immediately lost.
People tell you what matters to them all the time. Pay attention to the words they use and find out the meaning these words carry for them. Attend to the small details and acknowledge them as the other person's literal reality.
Backtracking
Backtracking is the next step up from merely matching important words. It involves feeding back part of a sentence or a whole sentence to the person you are talking to. When backtracking, aim at feeding back the exact wording used by the speaker. Avoid paraphrasing, i.e. substituting other's words for your own, assuming that they carry the same meaning for them.
Backtracking is a powerful way of pacing others. It lets them know you have heard what they said and immediately builds rapport. Furthermore, it is a good way to check for agreement and understanding. If you have misunderstood them, you will find out right away, rather than much later when it could be much more embarrassing.
Backtracking is also important for meetings where people are too busy telling their story and fail to acknowledge each other's point of view. Nothing is accomplished in such an environment. When you notice that someone is making the same point over and over again, you know that they feel unrecognized. Recognize them by backtracking what they are saying and move on. Having someone at the table who backtracks what others said can make the difference between a successful and ineffective meeting.
- Some common ways of backtracking include:
- Repeating (checking for right understanding)
- Bottom-lining (arriving at a conclusion based on what has been said)
- Summarizing (highlighting all important aspects of what has been said)
As with matching body posture and voice tone, try to avoid mimicry when backtracking (i.e. don't do an impression of their pronunciation and dialect) and make sure you always use it in connection with rapport and a sincere intention.
References:
Practical NLP for Managers, McDermott, I. and O'Connor, J.,1996.
All the best,
Christoph Schertler
NLP Trainer/Coach - Founder PEC, LLC
Christoph Schertler has published an ebook on how to use NLP to build confidence. The NLP Confidence Builder
contains over 100 pages of powerful NLP techniques and concepts that can help you overcome limiting beliefs and bring forth the life-transforming power of confidence from deep within you.
Christoph Schertler was recently published in "101 Great Ways to Improve Your Life, Vol. 2" alongside John Gray, Jack Canfield, Richard Carlson, Bob Proctor, Alan Cohen and many other leading Self Improvement experts.
Get your copy today:
About the Author
Christoph Schertler is a certified NLP Trainer and NLP Coach with a passion for helping others to empower themselves and bring forth their power and genius from within. He has trained with some of the biggest names in the field and is a firm believer in the transformational powers of NLP.
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or implied for any products or services mentioned. If expert assistance
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